Be Be See news room

spark · Post by **spark** » Mon Oct 29, 2007 11:18 am

This is the news at global midnight-
Unelected prime minister Gorgoil Brown is to announce a fake election date to suggest that he does not fear a real election. The fake date is yet to be announced and is also to be a smoke screen to distract peoples attention away from what is going on in Darfur. (google Darfur)
He told reporters ' I am not a direct descendant of Dracula ' before his jaw dropped open like a goldfish gasping for air then said, this is not a dodgy hinge they fitted or a genetic glitch , and anyway, consider the mess they made of Frankenstein'. He then walked off with one foot dragging along the ground calling ' Lurch!, Lurch!, get a big fat one together '.

Meanwhile, defence secretary DES Browne has complained to United nations about countries such as Darfur, Iraq and Afghanistan continually invading British soil. He said ' if they would stop invading us, we would not have to deploy British troops, costing the country billions '. Adding: ' And I am not a direct descendant of Dracula either ' .

Dis respect MP and fake lefty in waiting George Wallowgay is to be invited again to the US senate to give George W Chuff and his fellow sinators another tongue lashing. He says ' This time I am going to give George Chuff and his boys a right good licking '.
Mr Wallowgay, wearing only a Lycra leotard and cigar made no comment when asked if he is to be mysteriously arrested and held again by Egyptian police for twelve hours while a ferry goes down off the Egyptian coast.

The head of the Be Be See denied claims that the picture behind me of London at night, where little lights glow, is a celebration of the London bombings. And ex prime minister Tory Bland refused to explain how he got there so quickly from the Gleneagles summit.

Meanwhile, the Queen has denied allegations that she sacrifices a poverty stricken artist once a month on the full moon. In an exclusive interview, she said ' I only ever do unblemished children as these crusty hippies tend to stick in my reptile molars ' . She also denied throwing darts at a picture of completely banished from the media author David spike which hangs on the back of her bedroom door.
(It is thought that unblemished African children are bought for as little as £10 and brought to the UK for human sacrifice. This however cannot be backed up or proven)
And, there is to be no fluffy kitten stuck up a tree item at the end of this news bulletin as we aim to leave you dark and miserable. That's all for now, we'll be back later.

Gandhi · Post by **Gandhi** » Mon Oct 29, 2007 11:53 am

This guys is a Spammer! can we treat him like the Erectile Disfunction posts....i.e. get rid?

swithun · Post by **swithun** » Mon Oct 29, 2007 12:33 pm

Very tempting. The only thing stopping me is the thought that it is some advanced form of humour which I'm not able to appreciate.

Spark - being offensive is fine, as long as you are funny at the same time. But being offensive and unfunny for no good reason is the sort of thing that will get you deleted.

Bring back von Wonkle, all is forgiven.

Gandhi · Post by **Gandhi** » Mon Oct 29, 2007 3:44 pm

is he trying to be Charlie Brooker? coz if so he's got a hell of a long way to go to get up to that level of intelligence and humour!

spark · Post by **spark** » Wed Oct 31, 2007 1:09 pm

I certainly don't consider myself a spammer.
Ah yes, that old "us" and "them".
Whatever happened to freedom of speech? Freedom to express in an artist environment?
Let me guess, you are frustrated failed performers. People who would like to express but are too retentive in one way or other. Most or many artists are of course. The cure may not be parochial law and order from the "blame culture". JUDGE, BLAME, PUNISH in repetitive habitual cycles. I think that has been tried and failed. Though it may work for those IN CHARGE, for so long at least. Are you folks IN CHARGE of your own selves? Or are you only IN CHARGE of others?.
Perhaps openness and allowing others to express themselves is the way forward, or do people have something in the closet to hide?
Come on then, give us something funny, or point me to something funny on this forum which YOU have written. The jolly judges from the blame culture

.
Would your time not be better spent creating something which stimulates the minds others? I know mines would be than dealing with infantile minds
Peace

spark · Post by **spark** » Thu Nov 01, 2007 12:23 pm

I in no way find the SUBJECT MATTER of that news bulletin funny. To suggest that it is an attempt at comedy is to ignore the underlying points. Don't focus your venom on me, start working together to reach those in the higher regions of power in this world.
The truth may be so dark and shocking that I feel the need to sugar coat it with humour to help the medicine go down.
As time goes on, the truth will indeed come out, but it will not be from the TV news. The above news is likely to contain more truth than any TV news.
If you are already enlightened, then consider others who may believe every word of TV news. The world is full of them.