I need to raise this issue for the benefit of the glorious Forest.
You may blush. I may blush. But I need to get on with this:
As you may have appreciated for some time now (forever?) the toilets at the Forest lack a bit in cleanliness and I have to put forward this question:
"Why"?
or, as you British, in your sempitaernum politeness, would say: "Do we have to?"
And of course this brings me to an old question that us, sisters in arms, have puzzled over ever since the French invention of the toilet and later the extension of its use to the plebe: "Is it so difficult for males not to splash?" Believe you me, we are not prejudging anything here, God knows what pitfalls you may encounter in that fluid moment. We would just like to hold your hand and help you, and us, in coming up with a solution. Surely it must be bloody difficult since you, males, take so much pride in physical prowess and specially in skills such as accuracy, precision and strength control. (...perhaps it is impossible to anticipate the parameters of the curve, or the radium of the splash, or perhaps the neurological work involved requires that the cerebrum shuts up to allow the cerebellum to concentrate in this primitive function)
Answering this question may involve action at many levels and in different directions (sorry for the pan):
- we may need some academic studies done on the subject. I can assure you that Edinburgh University, in a joint effort of its Public Health dept and its Physics dept. would be delighted to take on this hot topic that has such an enormous scale and scope. Money would be pouring in from all sources: EEC, UN..., but mostly UNESCO and WHO.
- we may need setting up workshops with the highest accomplishing males teaching the less skilled ones the 'know how'. (if this is succesful we could take the idea to schools and earn our living with this courses)
-we may take an immediate and practical action: put a very low stool (10 cm off the floor only) for you to kneel. You may find that humilating but let me say that that is just cultural. In some other cultures, like Japan, you are not even allowed to bring your own shoes inside the toilet and have to slip into the 'toilet slippers' to minimise any contamination in the area (that is a good point: we should study how Japanese men perform in this ... I concede that they are shorter, therefore at an advantaged point, and I concede also that the problem may increase with latitude as men are taller in the north)
-we may be drastic and aggressive and put in a special device to remind each male user to make an special effort. I have at home a gadget that I bought in a charity shop: when the 'X' male lifts the lid a censor will notice it and out comes a middle-aged, authoritative female voice: "Excuse me Sir, please try to urinate on the toilet, not on the floor and put the sit down when you are finished. Thank you" That would be Big Sister for you...
I repeat that us, women, are not against you in this, we just want to understand you and help us all.
When I see children taken to the Forest toilet my heart sinks as I fear for their long term integrity... Having said that, we may be doing them a favour as it offers passive vaccination. In fact I spent years studying childhood leukaemia, under the hypothesis (still standing nowadays) that leukaemia in children increases in developed countries because of children living in a hygienic bubble till the time comes to go to school, which proves to be too much for their immune system ( a bit like tribes people can die from infections brought in by outsiders). As far as I know, though, this has not been fully confirmed, otherwise... think of the potential for our toilets to act as providing a natural, passive immunisation for the community. We could invite nurseries and morning coffee groups to bring in their children on a visit to the toilets. We would charge a fare for this and offer coffees at the same time. Or a government agency could pay us directly for the service... The Forest as an oasis of 'naturalness' in the midst of a hiperhygienic, scrubbed to the bones society.
Yes, I may have just contradicted my previous statements but I must be fair and put forward all the sides of this debate. You can work on them and expand with more pros and cons...
Do not hesitate to come to me with your personal questions and cases, no matter how intimate they may be. Trust me, I am a doctor.
Toilets hygiene, or the mistery of male miction
Toilets hygiene, or the mistery of male miction
Susanita, la amiga tonta de Mafalda
i say mandatory sitting in forest loos. men have lost their right to stand (unless it's at a computer!)
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www.ryanvanwinkle.com
www.ryanvanwinkle.com
haha, i think that most blokes would just see that as more of a standing challenge for them to conquer.
someone set up an electric seat....everytime something wet touches it an alarm and electric shock goes off. Is it a myth that the current travels up the stream? hehehe...lets find out. Any volunteers?
someone set up an electric seat....everytime something wet touches it an alarm and electric shock goes off. Is it a myth that the current travels up the stream? hehehe...lets find out. Any volunteers?
It's like God's vagina!
And how about dividing the toilets between female and male???? In the male one we would put an squatting style toilet, where all males, tall and short could splash at their heart's content, and by that allowing the child inside this joy, several times in a day (wouldn't that be therapeutic against the many pressures of our society to perform top notch and be in super control of all areas of our life - be it professional, financial, sentimental, personal, political... the facets we have to fulfil are multitude-).
And the way to deter from this male using the female toilet would consist of installing under the seat of the toilet the gadget I have at home. It could work as the perfect shock therapy...
On a more creative realm, one of you, artists, could produce a series of drawings/paintings/etc on this subject, whether around its history or on the many practicalities of performance. There would then be an exhibition at Kunst, which would be left for a month (a year?) for all Forest customers, and passers-by to admire and educate themselves. After this time the work would be passed on to the Forest permanent collection and be exhibited once a year while the rest of the time would be on loan touring around the country and abroad (image being such an international language..)
And yes, I am addressing here mostly the British male population, as you were the first ones on the industrial revolution and therefore, on the use 'en mass' of the toilet facilities. I am more complaisant and understanding with my compatriots, who, till two generations ago, had only the stables or the open fields.. (it will take them more time to be potty-trained). Now, that was endurance for you... We are nowadays spoilt for choice and always in an environment that is warm and most conducive to perform well.
On a note to reply to the suggestions been offered in your comments, I have to say that agree with the need for better lighting: bring on the light, I say. I would also agree with Ryan's proposal to make sitting compulsory, as an alternative. On thinking how we would implement this new rules and regulations, or how to attract the bees to the flowers I could only come up with the idea of copying the Japanese and heat the seats..: would that be an attraction for a male?? You tell me.
And for now I love you and leave you, hoping that you go home and think long and hard on this paramount issue. We need all ideas and suggestions you can come up with
Your sister in testing times.
And the way to deter from this male using the female toilet would consist of installing under the seat of the toilet the gadget I have at home. It could work as the perfect shock therapy...
On a more creative realm, one of you, artists, could produce a series of drawings/paintings/etc on this subject, whether around its history or on the many practicalities of performance. There would then be an exhibition at Kunst, which would be left for a month (a year?) for all Forest customers, and passers-by to admire and educate themselves. After this time the work would be passed on to the Forest permanent collection and be exhibited once a year while the rest of the time would be on loan touring around the country and abroad (image being such an international language..)
And yes, I am addressing here mostly the British male population, as you were the first ones on the industrial revolution and therefore, on the use 'en mass' of the toilet facilities. I am more complaisant and understanding with my compatriots, who, till two generations ago, had only the stables or the open fields.. (it will take them more time to be potty-trained). Now, that was endurance for you... We are nowadays spoilt for choice and always in an environment that is warm and most conducive to perform well.
On a note to reply to the suggestions been offered in your comments, I have to say that agree with the need for better lighting: bring on the light, I say. I would also agree with Ryan's proposal to make sitting compulsory, as an alternative. On thinking how we would implement this new rules and regulations, or how to attract the bees to the flowers I could only come up with the idea of copying the Japanese and heat the seats..: would that be an attraction for a male?? You tell me.
And for now I love you and leave you, hoping that you go home and think long and hard on this paramount issue. We need all ideas and suggestions you can come up with
Your sister in testing times.
Susanita, la amiga tonta de Mafalda
hahahaha, good luck making sitting compulsory.
And I'm sure it's a little unfair to take it out on just the British men seen as the Forest is occupied by men from around the globe- who all stand to piss too.
Who says the women don't piss on the seats too? obviously it's a lot harder for them as they are sitting down, which makes the ones that do, nothing but pure evil, as they have taken the effort to piss on the seat. And you're gonna have a hard time convincing all the men that there are no evil women out there!
Put something in the toilet, like a Peeball or something, test in Japan showed that if there was dirt or poop (
) in the toilet then men would aim at it, therefor getting more in and less out. I don't really know why, we have evolved though...I swear.
Or take one toilet out, and replace it with a urinal. More men will use that as it requires less aiming, no flushing and therefor less effort. We're just happy to be holding our d*cks, we don't wanna worry about that other stuff! 
But yeah, more lighting would be good.
And I'm sure it's a little unfair to take it out on just the British men seen as the Forest is occupied by men from around the globe- who all stand to piss too.
Who says the women don't piss on the seats too? obviously it's a lot harder for them as they are sitting down, which makes the ones that do, nothing but pure evil, as they have taken the effort to piss on the seat. And you're gonna have a hard time convincing all the men that there are no evil women out there!
Put something in the toilet, like a Peeball or something, test in Japan showed that if there was dirt or poop (
) in the toilet then men would aim at it, therefor getting more in and less out. I don't really know why, we have evolved though...I swear.Or take one toilet out, and replace it with a urinal. More men will use that as it requires less aiming, no flushing and therefor less effort. We're just happy to be holding our d*cks, we don't wanna worry about that other stuff!
But yeah, more lighting would be good.
It's like God's vagina!