It wold be something like this:
"
This book is on loan from a friend of The Forest.
Should any of this type of books disappear they will all be removed.
Also, ipso facto, should we know who you are, we will cut your head off at the top of Arthur Seat and send it down at a very high speed, in time for you to still feel the gnawing of the fish in the Forth.... Happy Riddance
Lovingly, The Forest
"
What do you think? If I do not hear from you in a few days I will go ahead and do it, OK?
