hey, new menu LOOKs really good. we've needed one for ages.
However - 2 things:
1) Also - isn't the mate Yerba?
2) i would say, one problem is that it is disturbingly not-funny.
if you want it made lighter. I can offer it to ForPub or CIA Nights to sort out.
Actually, here's new descriptions from AGES ago! I'm missing soup and salad and maybe some new ones. Let me know what needs describing / naming and i'll set the forpub crew a challenge!
Enjoy the below....
Homemade at The Forest
Curry/Chilli with Rice (Vegan): £4.20
Imported via our minds from the authentic kitchens of old India or perhaps from the golden deserts of Mexico! Fast and easy (like a certain Mamma we used to know).
Hot and Wet Soup (Vegan): £2.50
Like yo mamma (used to make). See the board.
Freshly Spanked Wraps: £2.50
In the display fridge. Have a butchers'.
Burrito : £4.20
The Old Milky
Highland parents fear the legend of Old Milky who is known for enticing children away with his lactating goodies. He lays down a thick layer of refried beans, adds hot lashings of salsa, rice and red kidney beans. Designed to fatten up children, The Old Milky fills you up and slows you down. Available sans cheese for those who fear the legend's milky embrace. Note: A half-glass of full fat milk by your bed will keep Old Milky's ghost away no matter how much sticky cheese you consume.
(Vegan option available).
Nachos, dude (fancy a threesome?): £4.90
The Nicholas Cage
While The Cage would say nothing's better than his impeccable acting abilities (see Wicker Man for reference), our nachos give him a run for his money. The corn tortilla chips Leave Las Vegas, then they're covered in salsa that could Raise Arizona. Add some cheddar cheese and they could be Gone in 60 Seconds. Like their namesake, these nachos are truly a legend in their own time.
Falafel Meal (Vegan): £4.20
The Sexxxy Accident
We know why you look. It's hard for a meal of three giant Falafel balls to hide its sexiness, but it's no accident that ours are the sexiest in town. Get ready for some hot chickpea-on-chickpea action when we combine this amorous trio with our homemade hummus. At once a spicy and creamy bang, we'll even hook you up with some pitta bread prophylactics – Safety First, but don't wear your seatbelt.
Salad Plate: (Vegan) £4.20
3 (as in the basic numerical unit, also denoted by ‘III’ ‘three’, ‘iii’, or ‘㈢)’ (Arabic font unavailable on this computer)) Salads (erroneous use of the plural fully intended, it being never far from our mind that ‘salad’, being an uncountable noun, does not require (let alone deserve) to have the suffix- s atttached) with (as in ‘accompanied by’, and also (in this case, correctly) implying that the noun phrase anteceding the term is greater in quantity than that which follows it) Bread (used here non-colloquially i.e. “n. baked dough made from flour usu. leavened with yeast and moistened, eaten as a staple food” (OED) and certainly not implying that we slip some folding green under your flower petals).
Cheese and Beans on Toast: £2.00
The Godfather of Soul (Food).
Are you ready for star time? It's time to make it funky! It's time to get on up to juicy funky drummer beans and get on down to hotpants melted cheese! This is the hardest working meal in show business and was James Brown's last meal. At least he died happy. You can too for only 200 pence.
Beans on Toast (Vegan): £1.60
Cheese on Toast: £2.00
Falafel Burger (Vegan): £2.20
The Balls of Joy.
2 moist falafel balls sit proudly next to primed pitta with suggestive side salad and a healthy heave of hummus. A gay might have gaily touched this. Do not be alarmed!
Olive Bowl with Two Warmer Pitta Breads (Vegan): £2.70
Or, as the French call it, Le Bowl du Olive. If the black olives were black and the green olives were white and the garlic cloves were Asian and the spices some other kind of ethnicity, like Native-American, then this dish would be a perfect example of racial integration and could receive funding from the E.U. marinaded in a harmonious homemade marinade.
Brie and Oatcakes: £2.80
aka 'The Pynchon'. Because within this, within all things, one find, at the edge of shadow, vectors, grid-lines, lost intentions, notions thought on stairs that wind, which separately, and in conjunction, leave the thinker, the word-eater, conscious, in the bitter dawn, of the ever-absence.
Tortilla Chips and Salsa (Vegan): £1.80
Delicate corn based, wheat free tortilla chips with a decadent side of spiced up salsa. It's the snack that just won't quit. Fresh!
Pitta with Hummus Dip (Vegan): £1.80
You can dip the hummus, spread the hummus, stuff the hummus. Lick then nibble the pitta. Wipe it on your face. Rub it “derriere les oreilles”. There are no boundaries here. Free tease for telling us how you eat yours.
The Freedom of Barabas
You asked for it, you got it. A whack of the following extras will be thrown in the direction of your plate. But where will it land?
Salsa/Cheese/Sour Cream/Hummus: 60p
Green/Fancy Salad: £1.00
Flapjacks, round cakes with icing and people with good skin are vegan. Brownies and other sweets are not, but are, oh so delicious.
It's the sweet sugar of nature full of vitamins and now with added jazz. Our resident doctor recommends you eat your daily ration right now!